Girls Horse Club Blog

Core

Published by • Jan 18th, 2011 • Category: Critique Me!, Poetry

CORE is a submission for Critique Me!, an event where Girls Horse Club writers are inviting readers to critique their stories and poems with praise and/or constructive advice intended to help build confidence and improve writing/storytelling skills. Thanks in advance for your thoughtful insight!

by HorseFeathers, age 17

I went out to the field where the horses run
In the grass stirring waves beneath the morning sun.
They pulled me into an everlasting prairie sea,
A place I was always meant to be.

I went out to the field, for I heard a plea
Not of flesh and bone, nor one I could see.
For it resided within me and all around
I harkened to answer without making a sound.

I went out to the field with a single breath I partook.
Of how the shards and shafts in this sundance must look
The earth trembled beneath and I knew they were near
The herd revealed the unity we shared here

I went out to the field with the gray mare and stood
Beside the winding tree with sturdy, aging wood
I thought about the world and all its ancient lore
And I knew this was my place, my home, my core.

14 Nickers »

  1. That is amazing HorseFeathers!
    It is well very written.

  2. Ah, this is fantastic. I read this with the eye of an editor, looking for mistakes or a disruption in the flow of the writing, but I can’t find a single technical error. The poem is excellent — don’t ever lose this one; it’s definitely publishable.

  3. Amazing!!! A wonderful poem.

  4. Really good- you’ve got talent! I enjoyed reading it.

  5. Wonderful lyricism.

  6. AMAZING! your a realy talented writer- no errors at all!

  7. Thanks everyone! I try to base many of my poems on literal things and places in my life. Just like in this poem this place is real.. and it is just as gourgous as I describe it in my poem.
    HF

  8. I love the description, and it’s rhythm was stunning. I could just imagine it in my mind. Great job!

  9. This poem is truly beautiful, in concept, flow and words. I think it’s wonderful that you were inspired by real locations, because being able to understand the beauty around you and putting it into words is a very valuable skill. I love how you allowed room for personal interpretation as well in the second stanza. Amazing poetry!

  10. Awesome poem! Loved it. I can’t think of anything to critique about!

    ♥LA

  11. HorseFeathers, this is a poignant expression of your deep connection to horses. You painted a beautiful picture with your words — makes me yearn to step out on that prairie too!

  12. It’s amazing how a poem written by someone [you :] ] can reflect the hearts of other horse lovers and make us say “Ah! I’ve always wanted to say something like that, but I never could find the words.” You are very talented!

  13. amazing poem! I love it! :)

  14. Very wonderful poem! I can relate to it.