Girls Horse Club Blog

To horses, By a horse: Honey

Published by • Jan 16th, 2011 • Category: Critique Me!, Fiction

TO HORSES, BY A HORSE: HONEY is a submission for Critique Me!, an event where Girls Horse Club writers are inviting readers to critique their stories and poems with praise and/or constructive advice intended to help build confidence and improve writing/storytelling skills. Thanks in advance for your thoughtful insight!

by Leopard Appaloosa, age 10

—————— FOR HORSES EYES ONLY ———————-

Hay every-horse!

My name’s Honey. I’m a VERY beautiful palomino mare (if I do say so myself) and I am here to give you a few tips on, well, everything!

********************************************

Since I am so pretty I know a lot about beauty. Do you have a BIG mud patch in your paddock? If you do, here is a very simple manestyle you can make by using it:

  1. Roll in the mud patch. Make sure your mane is completely covered in mud
  2. Now roll in the grass – twigs and leaves will stick into your mane, and voila! You have now got a very professional looking manestyle

**********************************************

Human Whispering

You’re human probably talks to you nearly every day. They say LOTS of things, but here are the meanings of the main ones:

  • Whoa means – go faster! Faster! FASTER! Halt, slow down and stand also mean the same thing.
  • Walk on means – STOP and stand there. Trot on, canter, gallop, and c’mon can also mean the same thing.
  • Come here means – Gallop away….
  • GET UP means – continue shying at that scary trail monster!

**********************************************

Talking about trail monsters, I have made a very handy action plan/guide about a few of the common monsters:

Name: Windius Monsterous or Windy

Known Forms: The Windy is a very scary trail monster. The scariest thing about it is that it is INVISIBLE! It only makes a strange whistling noise

What to do: The Windy preys on horses only, as with all trail monsters. The only way to escape it is to canter or gallop forwards until you can’t hear it anymore.

Name: Arustia Monsterousia or The Rusty

Known Forms: The Rusty disguises as old, broken thing; rusty cars, barrels, tree stumps etc.

What to do: The Rusty is a very stupid monster; it waits for you to come and then jumps onto you. The only problem is, it takes them a few minutes to actually realise you’re there. So, all you need to do is HALT. Yes, that’s all, if it can’t hear your hoof beats it won’t know you’re there. It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going, just stop! Wait a little while and then resume whatever you were doing.

Name: Omonsta Flotiny or Flota

Known Forms: The Flota lives in the sky. It takes a form as a balloon, or anything flying in the sky.

What to do: Flotas can only prey in wide, open spaces and that is where you’ll usually find them. Just go into the nearest forest, or anywhere with dense tree coverage. Flotas will never find you there!

Well, that’s all from me today! I hope you enjoyed my tips.

Scratches & carrots,

Love from Honey

14 Nickers »

  1. I laughed so hard!!! Great blog!

  2. This is hilarious! Well done. I hope the horses I ride don’t read this!

  3. Dear Honey,

    I used to be very scared of these monsters myself! We actualy have a red rusty in the front pasture that sits there day and night staring at me. I used to think it was planning on a moment to strike but I learned that it was dead. I’ve actualy befriended the Flotas and I like popping them! =) I guess I’m an older mare now so these scaries don’t frighten me as much. Don’t worry, you’re human should protect you. oh and I used to think “lope” sounded like whoa” so my human switched to little sounds that I understand. Maybe try talking to your human about it.

    best
    Isabela Andalusia.
    you can call me Izzy

    From HF- Lepord Apaloosa, that little blog was too cute! =) I loved the the horse’s point of view and my Izzy and Midi act like that sometimes. I cant really think of anything to critique on it other than adding more cute horse views like “Oh and your human will love the game of ‘stop and run’ when your person comes to get you from the pasture wait till their 2 feet from your halter and run away! They just love it!”

    HF

  4. That was awesome!
    I love how you wrote from a horses point of veiw.
    ~Luna

  5. LOL this was great! Good job Leopard Appaloosa. Very different and creative!

  6. haha awesome blog! i love how you wrote from the horse’s point of view! :D

  7. that was so hilarious!!! i was laughing all the way threw! an i love how you did it from a horse’s poin of view!

  8. Awesome blog,new here and love it here!

  9. What you wrote is so true! You’ve done a very entertaining and realistic job of being a horse.I think the extra details like the scientific names make it a lot funnier haha. Brilliant job writing this Leopard Appaloosa :)

  10. Leopard Appaloosa, this is very clever — we’ve all experienced horses acting as Honey advises, so it’s completely believable that this is how horses are talking amongst themselves. I also think it’s very original. We’ve published many fiction stories written from the horse’s point of view, but yours is the first written as though it’s a non-fiction blog. Great work, especially considering you’re 10!

    From an editing perspective, there are a few things our copy editors would have fixed (can anyone see what they are?) if we were more ‘hands-on’ as we typically are with anything published at GHC. But overall *very* minor — you also did a great job self-editing.

    I hope we hear more from Honey (and you!) in the future.

  11. So funny and clever-it would be hard to think of a way to improve this-it was perfect and unique! I think you need to create a plastic bag monster though… :]

  12. This blog is quite cute. The only thing I would have done differently is add a few more descriptive words, but this peice is more of a funny, amusing one so that’s not too important.Great job, Leapord Appaloosa.

  13. Ha ha! That’s very good. The part on human whispering was my Favorite.

  14. =D Laughed vair vair hard whilst reading that =D
    Brilliant writing, i read it on my laptop whilst sitting on a hay bale outside my horse’s stable and i think she read ( and enjoyed) it too!
    sHE Was probably nodding in agreement and eager to blog back to Honey so here are a couple of words from my Maggstar:
    ” ( finishes last sentence) wow, that’s TALENT! Congrats on the brilliant writing. It felt like you were talking from MY point of view. Well, blog soon ( I like this lark of “blogging”)

    Thanks for writing =) well done