Girls Horse Club Blog

Wonders

Published by • Jan 28th, 2011 • Category: Critique Me!, Poetry

WONDERS is a submission for Critique Me!, an event where Girls Horse Club writers are inviting readers to critique their stories and poems with praise and/or constructive advice intended to help build confidence and improve writing/storytelling skills. Thanks in advance for your thoughtful insight!

by palimnoponygirl, age 12

It may be a Lipizzaner
Doing a capriole;
Or a Shetland pony
Going for a stroll.

A dainty Morgan mare
Pulling a pony cart;
A Thoroughbred at the
Kentucky Derby,
Waiting for the start.

My Quarter Horse sending
A kind nicker to me;
Every horse in the world
Is a wonder to see.

11 Nickers »

  1. I like how you describe the horses.
    Great job!
    ~Luna

  2. Thanks Luna! ; )

  3. i love how you explained differant horse breeds. ctitique: try to use more action words. i know that i sound like a teacher saying this, but, and i’m not saying this about your poem, sometimes poems get boring if don’t use interesting action words. great job!

  4. real nice!

  5. Oh, I’m supposed to critique, so… um, there wasn’t really anything wrong with it. icehorse is right, though. Still, it was great! I mean, every horse IS a wonder to see! Ok, that was a total waste of a comment. Like I said before, NICE!

  6. Love it!

  7. Ummm. On the submisssions guide it says only use one pen name. On my poem “Still, I am Free” I used my first name Amara. But on the second one I used Amara A.K.A (also known as) XDDXDD. And on my third and fourth poem and my short story I wrote XDDXDD. Anything wrong with that? ☼☼☼

  8. XDDXDD, you read the submission guide correctly. If an author is published here, readers will come to know her work and look forward to reading more, so we require that anyone interested in being published pick a pen name and stick with it. You’re welcome to re-submit once you’ve decided on your pen name. (P.S. Amara is a beautiful name!)

  9. Thanks. I’m deciding on XDDXDD

  10. And By the way, Thank you! I just read your P.S. when I showed my sister the site. ☺

  11. Really cute poem. And I agree with icehorse, your explaining of breeds was a nice idea.